The 4 S's of Quality Time With Your Kids

How do your kids spell love?  T-I-M-E.  If you want your kids, especially your little ones, to know that you love them, don’t tell them, show them…give them your time.

Last month at a program for parents at , I shared a message encouraging them to spend more quality time with their kids, and I gave four types of time that kids need.  Here are those four types of time … I hope this encourages you as well!

The first is SCHEDULED time. You need to make some times that you schedule out in advance with your kids. Some of you have crazy schedules and this may be the only way that you keep your kids a priority with everything else pulling at you and your time. Some of you may want to schedule some time each week with your kids when you are with them and they have your undivided attention, some of you it may be monthly, but schedule some time to be with them in some way. For some of you, if you travel a lot, and you know you’re going to be gone for an extended time, schedule a phone call, schedule a Skype session. There are so many ways to spend time now, pick a way and block out that time.

When you schedule time with someone, and you give them that time for them alone, that communicates that they are a priority, and that they are valued. And when you can communicate that, you can impress upon them your love, and the love of God that is in your heart.

The second kind of time you need to take with your kids is SPECTATOR time.  Spectator time is just like it sounds, you are there to watch them do whatever it is that they do and cheer them on. For older kids it can be sports or band or whatever they’re into, for younger kids it can just be taking 10 minutes to watch them play and be silly. But this is incredibly important.

You know the three words I hear the most often when I take my kids to the playground, my 6-year-old and my 3-year-old?  The three words are, “Daddy, watch me!” And I make it a point to watch them run or jump or slide, and that communicates that they are important to me, that they are worth watching. Please parents, when you’re at the park or the playground, put down the iPhone! Watch your kids … be spectators!

The other great thing about spectator time, is that is opens up the possibility for teachable moments. Teachable moments are so, so important in children of all ages. A teachable moment happens when you are watching your kid in live action, and you just kind of push pause on the situation and talk about what has happened. Coaches do this all the time in practices. And this happens all the time in spectator time. You watch, you pause, you teach.  “Son, I was really proud of you for how you just shared with your sister.”  “When you cleaned up your toys just now without any whining, that made me very happy.”  “Just now when you punched your brother in the throat … that was a little disappointing.  Be a spectator, watch your kids play.

Another type of time you need is SPONTANEOUS time. How many of you are terrible at being spontaneous? How many of you have been forced to be better at it because you had kids Spontaneous time is some of the best time, where it just happens and you drop everything and give your kid your time. You close the computer, you leave laundry alone, you call in sick to work … and you give your kids attention. I love spontaneous time, partly because I’m a horrible planner, but also because it can really lead to some unexpected conversations, and some great opportunities to impress my love and God’s love on my kids.  Spontaneous time.

Last one, you need to plan some SPECIAL times with your kids.  Obviously these kind of things won’t happen all the time, but every once in a while, your kids, and your kids individually, need some special planned time with you. A daddy-daughter date. A girls' night out, a boys' night out … a movie night. Camping in the backyard. Find out what they love, figure out what would make them feel special, and do it. Special times can serve as anchors in our memories that we refer back to as we grow. I could point you back to dozens of special times that I had growing up that serve as reminders that, even though my parents were far from perfect, they tried to show their love for me.

Scheduled time.  Spectator time.  Spontaneous time.  Special time.  Your kids will need all four, and you’ll want to be able to look back one day and know that you showed your kids how much you love them. 

In the Bible it says in Galatians 6, “A man reaps what he sows.” Parents, if you sow indifference or busyness now, you will reap a harvest of distance and difficulty later. As someone who has worked with teenagers for 15 years, trust me, it is true! However, if you are willing to plant the seeds of love now through spending time with your kids, you will reap a much better future. It won’t be perfect, but you will have a foundation to build on down the road.